


Internal Violence

by Suede_sarcasm



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Other, Platonic Jason/Damian, Platonic Relationships, Please don't read this as romanticizing self harm, Self Harm, The ending might not be satisfying but it's as realistic as i thought i could make it., Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, self hatred, that's not what this is meant to be.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 13:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16175708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suede_sarcasm/pseuds/Suede_sarcasm
Summary: And everything was quiet, his mother’s voice dissipating into smoke. His bully dissolving into a pile of ash. Bruce drifting away. He was left alone with a ringing in his ears.Damian was at peace if only for this moment.Damian was Pathetic.Damian was in control."What the FUCK Are you doing?"TRIGGER WARNING! FOR SELF HARM PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION





	Internal Violence

**Author's Note:**

> So this was more of a therapeutic thing for me? I indulged in some bad feelings while i was writing this and i feel better after writing it? Which is good?  
> I realized i never saw Damian and Jason talking unless they were fighting and that always struck me as Odd because Damian and Jason have a lot in common so????  
> This was half mindless therapy writing and half self indulgent Soft Damian and Jason interaction?  
> This Fic contains SELF HARM, Self LOATHING, and They're all kinda OOC?  
> Damian is the closest to IC i think but who am i to judge.  
> Read at your own risk. Thank you!

The cave was silent as the batmobile pulled in. Despite the powerful engine of the machine batman had thought to install a stealth mode that masked the mechanical roar. Damian Wayne, Robin, scrambled out of the car as fast as humanly possible. He didn’t feel the need to stick around despite being told in a gruff voice befitting of the bat that they would speak about his transgression when they returned. 

“Damian.” A single word from Batman stopped Damian’s escape attempt. Damian was glaring beneath his domino mask, which would have come across despite his eyes being covered because the aura pouring into the space between the robin and his father was Palpable. 

“Yes Father?” Damian crossed his arms over his chest wishing he could just be done here. Damian wasn’t immune to criticism rationally he understood this but rationale had left him as his small but rather impactful fists came down across the face of the penguin’s thug perhaps more than necessary. Perhaps stopping when they had gone unconscious would have sufficed, but it just felt right not to stop. Though it would spare him the lecture he knew was on it’s way. 

“We need to talk about your actions on patrol tonight.” Batman started as he too climbed from the cockpit of the batmobile. Taking large strides around the vehicle he moved towards his son stopping just short of Damian. A mechanical hiss followed the release of pressure from the cowl of the batsuit. Gone was the angry visage that struck fear into the hearts of criminals, Batman was replaced by Bruce Wayne. 

“There’s nothing to speak about father, Last I checked i didn’t break your little no killing rule. I left those men very much alive.” Damian said definitely, punctuating his sentence by rolling his neck. A satisfying pop caused the physical tension to dissipate. Bruce gently pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Damian, We both know what you did was unacceptable at best. And i know you’re still getting used to well….Everything but this is not how we operate. I’m trying to be lenient with you but you can’t just walk around giving people serious head trauma.” Bruce was honestly making an attempt with Damian, but how do you raise a kid? What right way is there. Especially when the kid in question is a trained assassin. 

“You’re benched. For a month i think would be appropriate.” Bruce said turning away from Damian making a quick stride to the batcomputer sitting in it’s chair and quickly beginning to pull up the case files from tonight. Bruce could never look at any of his children when he had to discipline them, Which was just as well because Damian tore off the mask in a furious swell. 

“Absolutely not father.” Damian snarled. His voice raising in volume. The enraged Robin stomped behind Bruce to the batcomputer, “You need me in the field. I can control it next time. I can keep myself in line i do not need this coddling.”

“It’s not coddling Damian, it’s a chance for reflection. Use it. Because I've made up my mind. You will be off the streets for a month while you learn to control your anger. You are dismissed for the night Robin.” Bruce’s eyes didn’t waver from the screen for a second. As Damian ran off past an Alfred who was entering the cave. 

“Considerate as always master Bruce.” Alfred said through a sigh pouring out a cup of Tea. 

“It’s for his own good Alfred.” Bruce said, eyes scanning the screen.  
____________________________________________________________________________

Damian could feel the lump rising in his throat, He had messed up again. So many times he tried to get it right but there was just no happy medium that could be reached in his new life. He was struggling at school, Not academically of course, Damian was a certified genius, being social was the downfall of the youngest Wayne. Besides Jon who didn’t quite count. Damian had yet to make a single friend. He did manage to make several enemies but there was very little that bothered him, Especially not the homophobic garbage written on his locker. He could deal with try hard bullies.

Apparently he was also a failure at being a hero as well. To light handed and he found himself being rescued by Batman...Or worse, Grayson. To heavy and he would get lectured from Bruce, Or worse….Drake. He’d even got chewed out by Todd once which was hypocritical because Todd didn’t even try to hold back. Now Damian was benched because he had failed.

He was a Failure Truly and utterly. 

Damian felt the lump in his throat grow, Constricting his vocal cords until he couldn’t physically withstand the pressure and a choked sob sprang from his lips. Violently Damian tore himself from the edge of his bed where he had been sitting contemplating his spectacular fuckup of the night. He took short strides to his door. He gripped the edge and with as much force as he could muster slammed it. He wanted the wandering members of the Manor to know he was in no mood to be messed with. He didn’t want any of them getting the idea it was okay to speak to him. Not now, Not when he was vulnerable. A second sob bloomed from his mouth and like that the floodgates were no longer stopped up. Damian had thrown himself on his plush bed as more thick huffs of breath muffled into his pillow. 

He couldn’t return to the life where he was a prodigy, His blood was tainted. He wouldn’t want to go back even if he could. His grandfather was not the man he’d once thought and he’d rather die than return to his mothers clutches.

Damian turned over grasping one of the many pillows on his bed when a sharp pain rose from his side. Ow. Oh right, the batarang he kept on his civilian clothing. In his turmoil he had forgotten that was there. Suddenly Damian’s mind was clear, The sharp pain that the batarang provided had silenced the storm in his head. He could think clearly again. Damian had read about this once before. The pain released adrenaline which helped aid in focus. Damian withdrew the batarang from his belt and turned it’s sleek black metal over in his hand. 

Of course he’d consider hurting himself, Pathetic people did that and certainly in this moment Damian couldn’t imagine being more pathetic. And if he could just make everything be quiet. Just for a moment. That’s all he needed.

'Pathetic weak child.' His mothers voice rang clear in his head.  
'Unacceptable' Was that Bruce or Batman?  
'Fucking freak, go back to china or wherever.' Generic bully of the week. 

Just one moment of peace. 

Damian raised the batarang to the tender skin just below his hand. He didn’t need much pressure to insure a clean cut. When Damian was sure he had split the skin he pulled. Quickly the sharp hiss that came with an intake of breath gave way to a low exhale of breath one could mistake for a moan if they didn’t know the boy. The pain was exquisite. The crisp sting that morphed to a burning sensation as blood, Bad diseased blood, rolled down his wrists. Damian watched in morbid fascination as precious life giving liquid dribbled from the staight almost surgical cut. 

And everything was quiet, his mother’s voice dissipating into smoke. His bully dissolving into a pile of ash. Bruce drifting away. He was left alone with a ringing in his ears. 

Damian was at peace if only for this moment.  
Damian was Pathetic.  
Damian was in control.  
____________________________________________________________________________

Jason Todd rarely visited wayne manor, It was not his favorite place to hang out but if he put off doing his laundry one more day his pants were going to get up and throw themselves in the washer. Jason was chilling in his room at the manor, Slightly unkempt but in a way that let jason know that Alfred had been keeping up with it for him. Jason lounged around in a well fitting yet faded gray t-shirt and black sweatpants, some funny youtube video playing to keep his mind occupied while he waited for his eyes to get heavy. 

Jason briefly considered if he would even get sleep tonight when he heard a door down the hall violently slam shut. 

“Huh, B must be home. Wonder what’s chapping the Demonspawn’s ass he thinks he can just slam doors.” Jason known to be one who is easily curious rolled off the bed. He gently padded down the hall, Down the stairs, through the Manor, taking care to make his movements as he passed Damian’s room silent. Eventually Jason to the batcave where bruce was more interested in the computer than giving whoever came in the time of night. 

“Hey B. What’s good.” Jason said sliding up to the caped crusader’s side. Resting his arm on the back of the chair, joining Bruce in staring at the report of the bust earlier that night.

“Jason.” He managed his name. Which wasn’t unusual but the short terse manner in which it was said set off several red flags in Jason’s mind.

“Shit that fuckin bad huh?” Jason leaned back away from bruce.

“I don’t recall asking for your input Jason but since i know you won’t leave it alone. Damian almost killed someone tonight.” Bruce didn’t want to talk about this. That much was obvious. 

“Oh no….How could he ever. You’ve totally never had to deal with that one before.” Jason couldn’t help the sarcasm dripping from his mouth. Bruce and Batman were both equally emotionally constipated. Sometimes he had to remind his former guardian that sometimes shit happens.

“This isn’t the same…” Bruce said.  
“Why not?” Jason countered with a challenging tone.  
“Because you couldn’t control yourself.” 

“Oh for the love of.” Jason pressed his palms into his eyes perhaps a bit to dramatically. “That’s a load of shit bruce and you know it. I just didn’t want to control myself and i actually killed people, but you forgave me and here we are, i’m in your house and your butler is doing my laundry. Cut the kid some slack.”

Bruce made a grunting noise like he couldn’t believe that Jason would dare to question his Judgement. 

“So what was the punishment?” Jason said finally releasingthe frustrated grip he had on his face.

“Benched for a month.” Bruce said face not moving. 

“Fuck you took robin from the kid? What a dick move.” Jason said already leaving, he knew bruce wouldn’t change his mind. Not that it was any of his business but maybe he could at least check on the demonspawn make sure he was like….Handling it or whatever. Jason climbed the stairs making it back though the manor to stand awkwardly outside of Damian’s door.  
What would he even say? Hey it sucks B kicked you to the curb for a month but at least you didn’t add to your body count. Talk about fucking awkward. Jason didn’t do the whole supportive thing well. The kid probably wouldn’t even appreciate it, He seemed the type to lick his wounds in private. Jason considered just leaving, Going back to his room and waiting for sleep to overtake him. Fuck. The pressure behind his chest forced his hands forward, The nervous energy demanding he barge in without warning. He couldn’t sleep like this….

Well shit. He had to go in now. Jason pushed open the door.

“What the FUCK Are you doing?”  
__________________________________________________________________________ 

Damian miscalculated, another failure on the compounding list of letdowns he’s compiled tonight. How fucking pitiful. Damian had been mesmerized by the blood rolling down his arms. He hadn’t even considered listening out for the sounds around him. Otherwise he might have heard the heavy footfalls of Todd stop right outside his door. He might have heard the hurried opening of the door. He might have had time to cover his failure, but he didn’t. He was drawn out of his trance by a gruff voice. 

“What the FUCK are you doing?” Damian stared at him. Slowly lowering his arms, not thinking about the blood he was smearing on his pants. 

“Jesus fuck kid what did you do?” But Damian only offered a mumble in response.  
“I don’t think i caught that, did you say oh i was being an idiot. Because that’s the only reasonable explanation i can think of.” Jason growled as he crossed the gap between the door and Damian’s bed. 

“I said fuck off Todd what i do is none of you business.” Damian crossed his arms over his chest. Hissing as his cut rubbed against the sweater. This was going to go Poorly. 

“Wrong again Demon spawn, Do you know how much shit i’d be in if B knew i saw you like this and just let you die.” Jason forcefully pulled Damian’s wrist from it’s position across his chest. examining the cut like he was an expert. It was thankfully not deep enough to require stitches. Shallow at the ends like someone who was afraid of making the cut. Categorically different than the cuts he was used to see Damian inflicting on villians. Those were deep all the way through, made by someone who wanted to inflict pain. The cut Jason was looking at was….In a way, Sad. Not that he’d let Damian know what he thought because Jason could guess that the boy didn’t want Sympathy.

“Let go of me Todd, if you want to keep your hand i suggest removing it.” Damian threatened but his usually fire had been extinguished by embarrassment. Much like his father Damian tried to look anywhere but at Jason. 

“Batting 0 for 0 tonight Kid. The way i figure it you don’t want me to let go because if i don’t help you i’ll have to call Alfred to come take care of your scrawny ass and then bruce would find out. And it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other but you seem like maybe that’s the last thing you want.” Jason couldn’t help but smirk. He’d gotten Damian in checkmate. There was no escape from his kindness. Jason kneeled next to the bed bringing him just below eye level with Damian. 

“Besides there are things B just doesn’t get. Like people like us. It’s hard to play the good guy when all we know how to do is rip into people. And then he takes the one thing we know for sure works to help us cope with this new sense of forced restraint? B wouldn’t understand why you thought this-” Jason Nodded at Damian’s wrist, “Was a good idea. Which to be clear i’m not saying it was i’m saying i get why you tried it.”

Damian felt the hand leave his upper arm as Jason kneeled. His face flushed as jason spoke. It was like a tidal wave took him over. So many emotions crashed back into his brain at once he didn’t have time to process them all. Regret, embarrassment,Anguish, anger, sorrow, But above all of them, Confusion. It seemed Todd was speaking from experience but that couldn’t be….

Damian trailed down Jason’s frame starting at the shoulders and working his way down to his uncovered biceps. Thin scars white with age criss crossed over the man's biceps tracing down a long pathway just above his palm. Damian had never taken the time to notice. Damian sucked in a breath past his teeth making a soft noise.

“Tt” Damian wanted to feel sympathy, but he only really felt rage, Covering any actual want for help. “Don’t patronize me Todd it was a momentary lapse in judgement, unlike your serial poor life choices i have no intention of being this pathetic ever again.”

“Nice try kid, that’s my go to remember, You’re not worming your way out of this one. Now sit there and shut up. I’m going to get some bandages and we can talk about why you did this when I get back, I wont take not knowing as an answer so think hard.” Jason’s eyes narrowed for a moment after Damian had insulted him but he knew this tactic all to well, He’d used it enough to know Damian was just trying to rile him up. It wouldn’t work. Jason marched into the en suite bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit Alfred insisted they each keep under their sinks. He grabbed some large bandages and some antiseptic before returning to Domain. He closed his eyes, perhaps he was deep in thought. 

“So?” Jason kneeled back in front of Damian holding his hand out palm open inviting Damian to give him his injured wrist. It was less of an invitation and more of a demand Damian had no choice but to follow. But if Jason was being honest he was just surprised Damian hadn’t ran from his spot. 

“I don’t know. Which is exactly the answer you didn’t want but i don’t know.” Damian said letting some of the tightness in his chest coil into itself. 

“Do you want to die?” Jason asked taking the hand offered to him and gently wiping away the blood with an antiseptic wipe. Gently with his teeth Jason peeled the back off of a bandage and placed it over the cut. It would take a few days to heal but he figured he never saw Damian without a long sleeve shirt anyway so he could handle the cover up.

“Not intrinsically. It’s not that i haven’t thought about it but i don’t think i’d have the capacity to end my own life. It’s just….” Damian’s face scrunched up like the word he was looking for was sour. “It’s just….How do i put this….Everything was….Loud i suppose. Everything was loud and everything recently has….”

“Been out of your control? Spiraling downward without any way for you to pull yourself out? Yeah kid. Been there done that.” Jason shrugged as he stood. 

“Listen i know i haven’t been the nicest person, and i’m really bad with the emotions thing. But if you need someone to talk to uh...We’re kinda similar you and me. I’m not even gonna tell you not to do this again because hey, Who am i to judge. But you know uh...like? maybe try talking it out first. Or we could like? I could just punch your lights out and blame it on training if like, it’s a pain thing….Point is kid you have options. That’s not.” Jason mimed slitting his wrist. Damian gave a short nod in response. 

“I’m….Appreciative then i suppose. If you haven’t noticed i’m also not good at expressing my emotions. So I appreciate the concern but I doubt i’ll be coming to you any time soon.” Damian noticed now the stains on his clothes. He’d have to dispose of them before Pennyworth had the chance to ask questions. Though perhaps he should try and focus on the problem in front of him. He kept trying to distract himself, but that wasn’t good enough anymore. Jason made his way to the door, intending to leave, He grabbed the doorknob and just before he closed it all the way Damian called out to him.

“Todd.” Jason stopped and looked over his shoulder at the youngest Wayne.  
“You should probably take this.” Damian held out the batarang, he’d grabbed it from the bed where it had fallen after his self inflicted wound. 

“Yeah. Sure kid.” Jason took it from him and began to leave again.

“Jason.” Damian said his first name this time, which caused Jason to stop again and look over his shoulder once more. This time training his entire focus on Damian.  
“Thank you.” Damian looked away, Eyes glued to the intricate pattern on his bedside lamp. His face flushed a soft pink.

“No problem kid.” Jason shut the door with a soft click.


End file.
